I Built a Coffee Shop Where Every Order Returns 418 I'm a Teapot

This is a submission for the DEV April Fools Challenge What I Built Meet Earl — a sentient, proud, and deeply principled teapot. He is also your barista today. You can order an Espresso. A Latte. A Cappuccino. A Cold Brew. A Flat White. Earl will listen carefully to every word of your order, consider it with the full weight of his ceramic dignity, and then return: HTTP/1.1 418 I'm a Teapot Every. Single. Time. Without exception. Not today. Not ever. TeaGPT is a beautifully designed coffee ordering web app where every request — no matter how politely worded, how urgently flagged, or how aggressively you shake your phone at the screen — returns HTTP 418 with a Google Gemini AI-generated dramatic refusal. Earl has 10 theatrical personas he rotates through at random: Shakespearean villain monologue, disappointed grandmother, passive-aggressive therapist, Victorian aristocrat letter, frustrated Italian tea chef, pirate of the Tea Sea, corporate legal department, motivational speaker (Brad),